Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
