Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
They took my balls.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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