I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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