go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Never underestimate the power of titties
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
