i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
