Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I faked an abortion last night.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
