My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It's official drugs can't kill me
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
