Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
