I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
