Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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