...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
