I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
