He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
