Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
