Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
