I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
