She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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