do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
