Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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