well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
