so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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