wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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