I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
