I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
