I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
