Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
