Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
