OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
