i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
