Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Randomize
