I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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