He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
