She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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