just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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