I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
