I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We have started to decorate penises.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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