chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
