i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
