so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
