His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she peed on how many people?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
