Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
