We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
