She said her name was "party"
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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