Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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