We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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