Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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