We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
