i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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