We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
