were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
