Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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